jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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