you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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