giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
