I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
