i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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