That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
