chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
