she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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