u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
