yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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