I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
