i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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