After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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