I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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