Sry I called you an 8
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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