Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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