I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
