YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
