just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
