She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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