Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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