If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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