Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
