They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
vagina is talking i cant
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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