hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
