Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
