My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
