I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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