your thong is hanging out like whoa
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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