Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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