those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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