My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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