I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
