im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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