My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
