I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
