Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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