I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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