so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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