First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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