So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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