I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you made out with another girl for some wings
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
