Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
