Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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