oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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