Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
