just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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