I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
