I think i peed on brittanys purse
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
