I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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