I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
