So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
